The following contains excerpts from the book, Dare to Lead (Brené Brown).
The author’s stated theme: “What would it look like to combine courage, connection, and meaning with the world of work? We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures.”
She approaches leadership through the perspective of relationships based on a psychological and sociological framework. Although the concepts she sets forth are not new, she frames them in ways that are not common to my normal thought processes.
At our music school in Midland, Texas we believe that music is more than sound, it is relationships. The subject of Leadership is built upon the foundation of relationships, and successful leaders can only function through healthy interaction with others.
Following are the main points in the book:
The Heart of Daring Leadership:
- You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability. (A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability.)
One of the most important lessons students will learn at our music school in Midland, Texas is to have courage in the midst of vulnerability. When an artist shares what they have prepared, they risk being rejected, and this risk is the very power to make a significant difference in someone else’s life.
- Self-awareness and self-love matter. Who we are is how we lead.
- Courage is contagious…we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work, tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not necessary or rewarded…Daring leaders must care for and be connected to the people they lead…We must be guardians of a space that allows students to breathe and be curious and explore the world and be who they are without suffocation.
As teachers, at our music school in Midland, Texas we strive to create an environment of care and encouragement for each student, which starts by believing in their potential.
“If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall. Daring is not saying ‘I’m willing to risk failure.’ Daring is saying ‘I know I will eventually fail, and I’m still all in.’ I’ve never met a brave person who hasn’t know disappointment, failure, even heartbreak.”
We teach that failure isn’t final at our music school in Midland, Texas. How many times does a baby try to stand up and fall before they begin walking. These are learning experiences.
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome…If you are not in the arena getting kicked around on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives…Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.”
“When we define ourselves by what everyone thinks, it’s hard to be brave. When we stop caring about what anyone thinks, we’re too armored for authentic connection.”
The Six Myths of Vulnerability
- Vulnerability is weakness (I can’t think of a single act of courage that doesn’t require managing massive vulnerability.)
- I don’t do vulnerability (When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability.)
- I can go it alone
- You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability (Once we try to strip uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure from the relational experience, we bankrupt courage by definition.)
- Vulnerability is the first step to betrayal (We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust. Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy both.)
- Vulnerability is disclosure (Vulnerability is not a personal marketing tool. It’s not an oversharing strategy…Vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability…We have to think about why we’re sharing and, equally important, with whom. What are their roles? What is our role? Is this sharing productive and appropriate?)
“To feel is to be vulnerable. Believing that vulnerability is weakness is believing that feeling is weakness…We know that vulnerability is the cornerstone of courage-building, but we often fail to realize that without vulnerability there is no creativity or innovation. Why? Because there is nothing more uncertain than the creative process, and there is absolutely no innovation without failure.”
At our music school in Midland, Texas we recognize that each student feels vulnerable to a degree and we aspire to teach them in a way that they can move past those feelings through a solid grasp of fundamental skills and capabilities.
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind…Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind. Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.”
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” (Admiral Jim Stockdale)
“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior. What this means is that we must find the courage to get curious and possibly surface emotions and emotional experiences that people can’t articulate or that might be happening outside their awareness.”
“Wholeheartedness is engaging our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up int the morning and thing, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t’ change the truth that I am brave, and worthy of love and belonging.”
“There are some things that machines and algorithms do better than us for the simple reasons of computing power…and the fact that machines don’t have an ego…Those of us who are willing to rumble with vulnerability, live into our values, build trust, and learn to reset will not be threatened by the rise of the machines, because we will be part of the rise of daring leaders.”
We strive, at our music school in Midland, Texas to focus on what is uniquely human, in an age where computers and technology is all around us. Music is a core value, beyond sound, that teaches us the values of vulnerability and relationships as we collaborate to bring forth beauty in this world.