The following contains excerpts from the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie).
At Odessa Texas Music School Near Me we teach that making music is not essentially sound, but is relationships.
We hope to impart one of the most important skills a student in Odessa Texas Music School Near Me can learn: how to successfully connect with others by developing a listening ear.
Perhaps the most famous book by the most renowned author on the subject of Leadership within the past century, this book offers concise wisdom in time-tested principles in how to deal successfully with people.
The book is divided into four parts, 1) Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, 2) Six Ways to Make People Like You, 3) How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and 4) How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.
Be a Leader: How to Change People
Principle 1- Begin with praise and honest appreciation. It’s much easier to listen to unpleasant things after we’ve been praised for our good points. That’s why the first step to changing people without offending them is to begin with appreciation for their strengths. The key is an age-old technique called a ‘criticism sandwich.’ When you’re going to offer negative feedback, start with a compliment. Then segue into the meat and potatoes: the criticism. Finally, and more importantly, part ways with another positive compliment.
Principle 2- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Most of us respond bitterly to direct criticism. When we’re looking to change people without offending them or arousing resentment, simply changing one three-letter word can be our key to success. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and their critical statement. For example, a parent trying to convince her son to care more about his school work might say, “We’re really proud of you, Billy, for getting better grades this semester. But if you had worked harder in your math class, you would’ve done even better.” Start swapping “but” for “and” when you deliver critical feedback, to help you frame it in a positive and uplifting way, instead of inferring failure and disapproval.
At Odessa Texas Music School Near Me we begin the process of developing the student by being honest in our assessment, then proceed by creating a plan for future growth, with accountability.
Principle 3- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. The next step to changing people’s ways without inflicting negative feelings is to admit that we are also susceptible to mistakes.
It is much easier to listen to a description of our own faults when the person criticizing begins by humbly saying that he is also far from perfect. Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
Principle 4- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. What if, instead of telling people what to do, we gave them the opportunity to do things themselves, to learn from their own mistakes? Instead of saying “Do this” or “Don’t do that,” we should more often say, “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?” People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. Next time you are about to give an order to a child, spouse, or employee, resist the temptation to simply tell them what to do. Ask them questions that will help bring them to the conclusion that that is the best action to take, and will make them want to do it.
Principle 5- Let the other person save face. When we disagree with someone, even if we are right and he is definitely wrong, we only destroy his ego by causing him to lose face.
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
We are so quick to criticize that we seldom offer others the opportunity to save face, especially when a considerate word or two and a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude is all it would take to alleviate the sting. When you have to deliver a decision or information that will cause negative feelings, think about how you can make the person feel good about himself first. Avoid delivering negative feedback in front of others or setting up a situation that will be embarrassing for the person. Think to yourself, “If I were him, how would I like to hear this news?” and design your environment and your approach accordingly.
Principle 6- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’ One of the most powerful abilities we have is helping others realize their potential. We can do this by praising their strengths. Yet, this is something we do so infrequently. It’s much easier to point out someone’s faults. Even when it’s tough to find things to praise, try hard to find something. We should also praise often. By noting even small steps and minor improvements, we encourage the other person to keep improving. We should also be specific in our praise. When praise is specific, it comes across as more sincere, not something we’re saying just to make the other person feel good.
At Odessa Texas Music School Near Me we believe that accentuating the positive in each student’s progress is key to their continued growth.
Principle 7- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
One of the greatest things we can give students in Odessa Texas Music School Near Me is a series of positive experiences that add confidence and a sense of satisfaction in their continued development as artists and musicians.
Principle 8- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
Principle 9- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. The final key to being a leader and changing people without arousing resentment is to make the person happy about doing what we want them to do. If you’re having a hard time convincing your child to do a chore, offer to pay her a dollar for every time she does it, and take away a dollar for every time she doesn’t. If you choose another internal candidate for the job, tell the one who didn’t get the job that you felt he was too important to the organization in his current role to reassign him. If you have an employee who struggles with a certain task, appoint her to be the supervisor for that task, and watch as she improves immediately. Offering incentives, praise, and authority are all great ways to make a person happily accept our decisions and do what we want them to do.
At Odessa Texas Music School Near Me we have a number of students who have become successful teachers, and we encourage this goal for all of our students. One of the greatest rewards of beginning to teach is that you, as the teacher, learn more deeply.
To be an effective leader, keep these guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:
- Be sincere. Don’t promise anything you can’t deliver.
- Know exactly what you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the person’s wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
These time-tested principles, based upon a realistic analysis of the human condition, will universally work when applied. Simple and powerful.