The following contains excepts from the book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (Dale Carnegie).
At our music school in Odessa, Texas, we help students to overcome their fears of stepping forward into the kind of creative life that they are capable of, learning how to manage fear and overcome their anxieties.
A Law That Will Outlaw Many of Your Worries
If we examine the law of averages, we will often be astounded at the facts we uncover.
‘By the law of averages, it won’t happen.’ That phrase has destroyed ninety per cent of my worries; and it has made the past twenty years of my life beautiful and peaceful beyond my highest expectations.
Cooperate With the Inevitable
Here is a bit of sage advice from one of my favourite philosophers, William James. “Be willing to have it so,” he said. “Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequence of any misfortune.”
Obviously, circumstances alone do not make us happy or unhappy. It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings. Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within you.
J.C. Penney, founder of the nation-wide chain of Penney stores, said to me: “I wouldn’t worry if I lost every cent I have because I don’t see what is to be gained by worrying. I do the best job I possibly can; and leave the results in the laps of the gods.”
Henry Ford told me much the same thing. “When I can’t handle events,” he said, “I let them handle themselves.”
When I asked K.T. Keller, president of the Chrysler Corporation, how he kept from worrying, he said:
“When I am up against a tough situation, if I can do anything about it, I do it. If I can’t, I just forget it.
I never worry about the future, because I know no man living can possibly figure out what is going to happen in the future. There are so many forces that will affect that future! Nobody can tell what prompts those forces-or understand them. So why worry about them?”
“There is only one way to happiness,” Epictetus taught the Romans, “and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”
No one living has enough emotion and vigour to fight the inevitable and, at the same time, enough left over to create a new life. Choose one or the other. You can either bend with the inevitable sleet-storms of life-or you can resist them and break!
What will happen to you and me if we resist the shocks of life instead of absorbing them? What will happen if we refuse to “bend like the willow” and insist on resisting like the oak? The answer is easy. We will set up a series of inner conflicts.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we train students to utilize circumstances to their benefit. In every situation, there is possibility for new creativity if one looks for it.
Put a “Stop-loss” Order On Worry
Carnegie once asked the successful investor, Burton S. Castles, how he made his fortune: “He asked me a few questions about how I had traded before and then told me what I believe is the most important principle in trading. He said: ‘I put a stop-loss order on every market commitment I make. If I buy a stock at, say, fifty dollars a share, I immediately place a stop-loss order on it at forty-five.’ That means that when and if the stock should decline as much as five points below its cost, it would be sold automatically, thereby, limiting the loss to five points. After a while I realized that the stop-loss principle could be used in other ways besides in the stock market. I began to place a stop-loss order on any and every kind of annoyance and resentment that came to me. It has worked like magic.
Henry Thoreau dipped his goose quill into his homemade ink and wrote in his diary: “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life, which is required to be exchanged for it immediately or in the long run.” To put it another way: we are fools when we overpay for a thing in terms of what it takes out of our very existence.
“In short, I conceive that a great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by the false estimates they have made of the value of things…” (Benjamin Franklin)
Eight Words That Can Transform Your Life
Emerson said: “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” … How could he possibly be anything else?
The great philosopher who ruled the Roman Empire, Marcus Aurelius, summed it up in eight words-eight words that can determine your destiny: “Our life is what our thoughts make it.”
One of the most profound principles of developing at artists and musicians is to have positive input of other successful artists. A steady diet of great musical performances and creative compositions by others, whether historical or current is the best fuel for individual success.
Yes, if we think happy thoughts, we will be happy. If we think miserable thoughts, we will be miserable. If we think fear thoughts, we will be fearful. If we think sickly thoughts, we will probably be ill. If we think failure, we will certainly fail. If we wallow in self-pity, everyone will want to shun us and avoid us. Norman Vincent Peale said, “You are not what you think you are; but what you think, you are.”
I am advocating that we assume a positive attitude instead of a negative attitude. In other words, we need to be concerned about our problems, but not worried. What is the difference between concern and worry?
Concern means realizing what the problems are and calmly taking steps to meet them. Worrying means going around in maddening, futile circles.
Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, warned that we ought to be more concerned about removing wrong thoughts from the mind than about removing “tumours and abscesses from the body.”
Montaigne, the great French philosopher, adopted these seventeen words as the motto of his life: “A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens.” And our opinion of what happens is entirely up to us.
William James, who has never been topped in his knowledge of practical psychology, once made this observation: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”
Try it yourself. Put a big, broad, honest-to-God smile on your face; throw back your shoulders; take a good, deep breath; and sing a snatch of song. If you can’t sing, whistle. If you can’t whistle, hum. You will quickly discover what William James was talking about-that it is physically impossible to remain blue or depressed while you are acting out the symptoms of being radiantly happy!
Many times students in our music school in Odessa, Texas will face trying circumstances, whether in performance of in creative deadlines. We teach them to step out by choice to face the challenges head-on, relying upon their training. When they do, most times they will be surprised at how they can navigate successfully through the difficulties.
Just For Today
1. Just for today I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.
2. Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.
3. Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.
4. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
5. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.
6. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticise not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.
7. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.
8. Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.
9. Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.
10. Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.
(Sibyl F. Partridge)
Along with the list above, we encourage students in our music school in Odessa, Texas to challenge themselves to work on the ‘basics,’ or conditioning exercises just a little bit each day. Daily practice of these disciplines, over time, results in exponential growth for the student.
The High Cost of Getting Even
When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us.
So you see that when Jesus said: “Love your enemies”, He was not only preaching sound ethics. He was also preaching twentieth-century medicine. When He said: “Forgive seventy time seven,” Jesus was telling you and me how to keep from having high blood pressure, heart trouble, stomach ulcers, and many other ailments.
“To be wronged or robbed,” said Confucius, “is nothing unless you continue to remember it.”
I once asked General Eisenhower’s son, John, if his father ever nourished resentments. “No,” he replied, “Dad never wastes a minute thinking about people he doesn’t like.” There is an old saying that a man is a fool who can’t be angry, but a man is wise who won’t be angry.
One sure way to forgive and forget our enemies is to become absorbed in some cause infinitely bigger than ourselves.
If You Do This, You Will Never Worry About Ingratitude
“An angry man,” said Confucius, “is always full of poison.”
Marcus Aurelius, one of the wisest men who ever ruled the Roman Empire. He wrote in his diary one day: “I am going to meet people today who talk too much-people who are selfish, egotistical, ungrateful. But I won’t be surprised or disturbed, for I couldn’t imagine a world without such people.”
Let’s not expect gratitude. Then, if we get some occasionally, it will come as a delightful surprise. If we don’t get it, we won’t be disturbed. Here is the first point I am trying to make in this chapter: It is natural for people to forget to be grateful; so, if we go around expecting gratitude, we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we encourage students to cultivate a grateful attitude. It is in this mindset that many wonderful possibilities occur. When doing so, the student becomes able to see creative solutions that otherwise could not be percieved or understood.