Emotional Intelligence

The following contains excerpts from the book, Emotional Intelligence (Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves)

Much of our Western education focuses on what is deemed to be most important, such as STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). These are important, however, there seems to be a diminished awareness of the value of the ‘intangibles’ of human interaction. Understanding creativity, emotion, and the arts cannot be sidetracked in a comprehensive educational awareness. Doing away with these critical areas of development will undoubtedly stunt societal functionality and individual wholeness.

We encourage students in our music school in Odessa Texas to pursue not only their musical skills, but to value the depth of human expression and meaning in their artistic pursuits.

The thesis of this book is based upon our learned capabilities to understand four quadrants of emotional awareness. Two are in the category of Personal Competence: Self-Awareness and Self-Management, and two are in the category of Social Competence: Social Awareness and Relationship Management. It is possible to have a high IQ and yet not be successful with EQ. IQ is set from birth and does not change throughout the course of one’s life, apparently. EQ, however, is able to be developed and is malleable. Improving one’s EQ has a dramatic effect on one’s quality of life, including professional success.

“Good decisions require far more than factual knowledge. They are made using self-knowledge and emotional mastery when they’re needed most.”

“Your first reaction to an event is always going to be an emotional one. You have no control over this part of the process. You do control the thoughts that follow an emotion, and you have a great deal of say in how you react to an emotion- as long as you are aware of it.”

“Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”

“Your EQ is the foundation for a host of critical skills- it impacts most everything you say and do each day. EQ is so critical to success that it accounts for 58 percent of performance in all types of jobs…Of all the people we’ve studied at work, we have found that 90 percent of high performers are also high in EQ.”

We believe students in our music school in Odessa Texas are positioned to be more successful in life, due to their development in emotional aptitude.

The Four Skills

“The four emotional intelligence skills…Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.  Social competence is made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills; social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships.”

Self-Awareness

“People high in self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons…As self-awareness increases, people’s satisfaction with life- defined as their ability to reach their goals at work and at home- skyrockets.”

Self-Awareness Strategies

  1. Quit treating your feelings as good or bad
  2. Observe the ripple effect from your emotions
  3. Lean into your discomfort
  4. Feel your emotions physically
  5. Know who and what pushes your buttons
  6. Watch yourself like a hawk
  7. Keep a journal about your emotions
  8. Don’t be fooled by a bad mood
  9. Don’t’ be fooled by a good mood, either
  10. Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do
  11. Visit your values
  12. Check yourself
  13. Spot your emotions in books, movies, and music
  14. Seek feedback
  15. Get to know yourself under stress

Self-management

“Self-management is what happens when you act- or do not act. It is dependent on your self-awareness and is the second major part of personal competence. Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively. This means managing your emotional reactions to situations and people…Those who manage themselves the best are able to see things through without cracking. Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and continually manage their tendencies.”

We encourage students in our music school in Odessa Texas to become self-aware in their development as artists, being sensitive to their internal intuition and artistic direction.

Self-management Strategies

  1. Breathe right
  2. Create an emotion vs. reason list
  3. Make your goals public
  4. Count to ten
  5. Sleep on it
  6. Talk to a skilled self-manager
  7. Smile and laugh more
  8. Set aside some time in your day for problem solving
  9. Take control of your self-talk
  10. Visualize yourself succeeding
  11. Clean up your sleep hygiene
  12. Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than you limitations
  13. Stay synchronized
  14. Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem
  15. Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter
  16. Put a mental recharge in to your schedule
  17. Accept that change is just around the corner

Social Awareness

“Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.  This often means perceiving what other people are thinking and feeling even if you do not feel the same way…Listening and observing are the most important elements of social awareness.”

We teach students in our music school in Odessa Texas the importance of being socially aware, listening to the preferences and convictions of the communities they serve.

Social Awareness Strategies

  1. Greet people by name
  2. Watch body language
  3. Make timing everything
  4. Develop a back-pocket question
  5. Don’t take notes at meetings
  6. Plan ahead for social gatherings
  7. Clear away the clutter
  8. Live in the moment
  9. Go on a 15-minute tour
  10. Watch EQ movies
  11. Practice the art of listening
  12. Go people watching
  13. Understand the rules of the culture game
  14. Test for accuracy
  15. Step into their shoes
  16. Seek the whole picture
  17. Catch the mood of the room

Relationship Management

“Though relationship management is the second component of social competence, this skill often taps into your abilities in the first three emotional intelligence skills…Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.  his ensures clear communication and effective handling of conflict.  Relationship management is also the bond you build with others over time. People who manage relationships well are able to see the benefit of connecting with many different people, even those they are not fond of…If you want people to listen, you have to practice relationship management and seek benefits from every relationship, especially the challenging ones.”

We encourage students in our music school in Odessa Texas to learn the art of getting along with others.  This is the only path toward successful collaborative efforts and meaningful projects.

Relationship Management Strategies

  1. Be open and be curious
  2. Enhance your natural communication style
  3. Avoicd giving mixed signals
  4. Remember the little things that pack a punch
  5. Take feedback well
  6. Build trust
  7. Have an ‘open-door’ policy
  8. Only get mad on purpose
  9. Don’t avoid the inevitable
  10. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings
  11. Complement the person’s emotions or situation
  12. When you care, show it
  13. Explain your decisions, don’t just make them
  14. Make your feedback direct and constructive
  15. Align your intention with your impact
  16. Offer a ‘fix-it’ statement during a broken conversation
  17. Tackle a tough conversation

A fascinating epilogue

“A few years ago, TalentSmart researchers decided to see what role EQ was playing in China’s colossal transition from cheap supplier to knowledge leader.  We spent the summer of 2005 measuring the EQ of 3,000 top executives in China. Our unexpected findings illustrate the secret ingredients of China’s economic success, and a serious threat to America’s ability to compete in the global marketplace: discipline.  American executives averaged 15 points lower than Chinese executives in self-management and relationship management…Chinese execs are living the qualities that Americans permit HR to put into the company competency model…If you grow up in a culture where emotional outbursts and careless self-gratification are not only discouraged but are also considered personally shameful, such an upbringing is going to affect the way you manage yourself and others. As we discussed earlier, EQ is very susceptible to cultural influence. The question here is whether that culture promotes or prohibits emotionally intelligent behaviors.”

The expositions of each of the ‘Strategies’ listed under the four sections I found to be relatively simplistic and basic common-sense, and we encourage students in our music school in Odessa Texas to focus on these areas of development, as they will prove beneficial not only in musical endeavors, but in their overall life and future. Applying the information given in this book may prove more challenging than simply understanding it.