The following contains excerpts from the book, The Power of Moments (Chip & Dan Heath).
At our music school in Midland, Texas we believe that successful teaching involves many factors, one being capitalizing on moments of greatness that happen in the lives of each student, celebrating their successes.
Although, the most effective mindset and successful training, generally comes from developing good habits, this book looks at the other side of the spectrum by suggesting that, while most of life is indeed mundane, the human experience is indelibly etched by specific moments we carry with us as preeminently influential and significant. The book explores how we can use these moments most effectively, deal with the negative ones, and create positive life-changing moments for others.
“Defining moments shape our lives, but we don’t have to wait for them to happen. We can be the authors of them…In this book, we have two goals: First, we want to examine defining moments and identify the traits they have in common…Second, we want to show you how you can create defining in moments by making use of those elements.”
Mentors in our lives help us to gain objectivity about ourselves and can push us toward our potential. “Mentors focus on improvement: Can you push a little bit further?…They introduce a productive level of stress…Mentors push, mentees stretch…A good starting place is a two-part formula…high standards + assurance…I have high expectations for you and I know you can meet them. So try this new challenge and if you fail, I’ll help you recover.”
We believe in the students in our music school in Midland, Texas to the degree that we are willing to push them to new levels of achievement, based on their individual capabilities.
“The promise of stretching is not success, its learning. It’s self-insight. It’s the promise of gleaning the answers to some of the most important and vexing questions of our lives: What do we want: What can we do? Who can we be? What can we endure?”
In many corporate situations, leaders think they are being more supportive than they really are. In research findings: “More than 80 per cent of supervisors claim they frequently express appreciation to their subordinates, while less than 20 per cent of the employees report that their supervisors express appreciation more than occasionally.”
The most successful situations of recognition are found to be spontaneous, rather than formal. “The recognition is spontaneous- not part of a scheduled feedback session- and it is targeted at particular behavior.”
“A music teacher praises a troubled student’s singing ability. A sales manager gives a pair of headphones as a prize. A boss spontaneously praises an employee for ‘prepping the backroom.’ All were moments of recognition that the recipients remembered and cherished for years afterward.”
Giving praise for the good we see in students at our music school in Midland, Texas reveals to the student what can be augmented and developed even more.
The authors discuss the importance of milestones and encourage celebrating them. “Cal Newport, an author and computer science professor, spent years studying the habits of successful people. ‘From my experience, the most common trait you will consistently observe in accomplished people is an obsession with completion. Once a project falls into their horizon, they crave almost compulsively, to finish it.’ Success comes from pushing to the finish line. What milestones do is compel us to make that push, because (a) they’re within our grasp, and (b) we’ve chosen them precisely because they’re worth reaching for. Milestones define moments that are conquerable and worth conquering.
Helping students in our music school in Midland, Texas set reasonable goals that give them a challenge to achieve is one of the most important things a teacher can do for their student.
In discussing the subject of courage, the authors show that in order to be courageous, it requires preparation. Knowing what to do and how to react in difficult circumstances is what will allow someone to successfully face dangers or trials courageously.
“One element of such training, the gradual and graduated practice of the dangerous tasks likely to be encountered, seems to be especially valuable…That element- ‘gradual and graduated practice’ – is also the hallmark of exposure therapy, one of the most effective techniques for reducing phobias (irrational fears).”
“Courage isn’t just suppressed fear. It’s also the knowledge of how to act in the moment.” One leader’s approach was to have workshops which “weren’t just about toughening up emotionally. They were about mental rehearsal. Participants had to anticipate how they would react to certain situations. In a sense, they were preloading a response so that, in the moment, they could act quickly without deliberation.”
“In short, courage is contagious…It is hard to be courageous, but it’s easier when you’ve practiced, and when you stand up, others will join you. Think of it: Your moment of courage might be a defining moment for someone else- a signal to them that red is red, that wrong is wrong, and that it can be righted if we stand, together, against it.”
We help students in our music school in Midland, Texas develop courage by providing them with examples of our own courage, demonstrating competence as performing teachers.
Discussing the difference between personal moments of success versus community moments of shared meaning, the authors state: “As a result of achievements or courageous actions, you are made to feel special. But for groups, defining moments arise when we create shared meaning– highlighting the mission that binds us together and supersedes our differences. We are made to feel united.”
Laughter is a highly effective means of creating moments of shared meaning. Research shows that laughter is “30 times more common in social settings than private ones. It’s a social reaction. We laugh to tie the group together. Our laughter says, I’m with you. I’m part of your group.
“In groups, we are constantly assessing the reactions and feelings of the group. Our words and glances are a kind of social sonar. Are you still there? Are you hearing what I’m hearing? Are your reactions like mine? Laughing in groups is another way of sending positive signals back and forth. We are synchronizing our reactions.”
This point highlights the importance of physical gatherings in community, which can never be replaced by a memo or technological device.
“Remote contact is perfectly suitable for day-today communication and collaboration. But a big moment needs to be shared in person.”
Purpose and passion are both strong ways to tie relationships together in shared meaning. In his book Great at Work: How Top Performers Work Less and Achieve More, Morten Hansen studied 5,000 employers and managers to compare purpose and passion in the workplace. “Purpose is defined as the sense that you are contributing to others, that your work has broader meaning. Passion is the feeling of excitement or enthusiasm you have about your work.” In his study he found that “Purpose trumps passion…Passion is individualistic. It can energize us but also isolate us, because my passion isn’t yours. By contrast, purpose is something people can share. It can knit groups together.”
Dealing with the subject of responsivity, the authors studied couples’ relationships. “Our relationships are stronger when we perceive that our partners are responsive to us. (The term used frequently is ‘perceived partner responsiveness.’)”
Responsiveness encompasses three things: Understanding, Validation, and Caring. “Notice how much of the recipe is about attunement. We want our partners to see us the way we see ourselves, and we want them to accept us and to help us get what we want…If we want more moments of connection, we need to be more responsive to others…I’ve heard you, I understand and accept what you’re saying, and I care for you enough disclose something about myself.”
“Relationships don’t deepen naturally. In the absence of action, they will stall.”
“Often, what looks like a moment of serendipity is actually a moment of intentionality” when what some people experience as the shock of an insight is actually the whiplash caused by realizing they can act and then willfully jolting their lives in a new direction. In instances like this, they are not receiving a moment, rather they are seizing it. And that is a critical distinction.
We hope to inspire students in our music school in Midland, Texas take the opportunities they are given to grow and develop and maximize them.
Being aware of defining moments does not usurp the value of carefully focused training and discipline in routine. Accentuating and creating defining moments is a discipline that can be honed and practiced. The authors make a good point as to the value of moments in our lives, organizations and communities.