The following contains excerpts from the book, The 5 Essential People Skills (Dale Carnegie Training)
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we believe that music is more than sound, rather, it is relationships. Learning how to inter-relate with others is foundational to life, as well as the pursuit of studying music and the arts. Learning how to play in musical ensembles has deep immersive implications as to how we learn to deal with others, and can have life-changing benefits.
This book was primarily written from the standpoint of how to operate in a ‘workplace’ environment, and therefore is more from a ‘secular’ standpoint, but good leadership principles are shared, particularly in dealing with inter-personal relationships. As the authors wrote in their preface, quoting Dale Carnegie, “No matter what your line of work, even if it’s in one of the technical professions, your degree of success depends on your ability to interact effectively with other people.” The five essential people skills listed in the book are: 1) Rapport-building, 2) Curiosity, 3) Communication, 4) Ambition, and 5) Conflict resolution.
#4 Ambition
Remember that there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Aggressiveness usually implies getting ahead at the expense of someone else. Assertiveness is a much more inner-directed concept. Let’s make a distinction between what might be called intrinsic and extrinsic ambition. When people are extrinsically ambitious, their ambition is directed toward a target outside themselves- toward an externa payoff or reward, and usually that reward is of a physical or material nature. But for an intrinsically ambitions person, the payoff is more emotional or even spiritual. It’s a feeling of personal achievement or inner satisfaction that can’t be touched or packaged. Ultimately it is more meaningful than a company car, a corner office, or even an expense account.
A growing body of research suggests that the benefits of traditional ‘rewards’ are not as great as they might seem. Amazingly, social psychologists are finding that externa rewards can actually lower performance levels. Studies have shown that intrinsic interest in a project (the sense that a task is worth doing for its own sake) generally declines when someone is externally rewarded for doing it. If an external reward such as money, praise, or a job promotion is the reason you’re engaging in the activity, that activity will come to be seen as less worthwhile in its own right.
While we understand the value of some degree of competition at our music school in Odessa, Texas, we see an even greater value in the expression of synergy, where each individual recognizes their own uniqueness and how it fits in the community to augment the relationships in that community, multiplying the efforts of everyone involved.
Studies have found:
- Children who are rewarded for drawing are less likely to draw on their own than children who draw just for the fun of it.
- Teenagers offered rewards for playing word games enjoy the games less and do not do as well as those who play with no rewards.
- Employees who are praised for meeting a manager’s expectations actually suffer a drop in motivation.
Rewards, it seems, can have this kind of negative effect primarily with creative tasks, including higher-level problem solving. Findings show that the more complex the activity, the more it’s hurt by extrinsic reward. This research questions the widespread belief that money is an effective and even necessary way to motivate people.
First, rewards encourage people to focus narrowly on a task, to do it as quickly as possible, and to take few risks. Second, people come to see themselves as being controlled by the reward. They feel less in command, and this may interfere with performance. To the extent that your experience of being self-motivated is limited, your ambition will be reduced as well.
Finally, external rewards can erode intrinsic interest. People who see themselves as working for money, approval, or competitive success find their tasks less pleasurable, and therefore they don’t do them as well. Research also shows that trying to beat others has the same effect. Any task, to matter how enjoyable it once seemed, is devalued if it’s presented as a means rather than an end. For example, a group of volunteers were told they could not engage in an activity they like until they first took part in another activity that they also enjoyed. Although they like both activities equally, the subjects soon came to dislike the task that was a requirement before they could engage in the other.
When praise or positive verbal feedback begins to be experienced as controlling, the effect on motivation can be similar.
In simplest terms, ambition can be defined as wanting to achieve something that is desired or planned. In more poetic terms, it is having a dream and experiencing success when that dream is attained. Your ambition is rewarded when your dreams come true. The one word that always pulls the plug on motivation and achievement is the word: fear.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we want to encourage students to enjoy the process of setting their own goals and achieving them. This internal motivation becomes the engine that compels them to be life-long learners.
There are four factors that give rise to fear:
- The fear of recognizing who you are. In short, people generally fall into two main categories: those who really excel at one thing, and others, who are good at many things although perhaps not truly outstanding at any of them. A lack of self-understanding can be a form of fear, because it is usually based on trying to live up to what you think you’re supposed to be, instead of being who you are. It’s trying to be a different kind of person than you really are. In terms of ambition, it’s aspiring to the wrong thing at the basic level or your own identity.
- The successful specialist: Their ambition asserts itself in a way that’s congruent with their essential nature. They pursue the right major in school, for example. They go to work for companies that have a need for their particular skills, and they seek out mentors who can help them develop their inherent strength.
- The winning generalist. It’s good to be a generalist, but it’s not good to spread yourself too thin. If you’re a multitalented individual of this kind, don’t be afraid to focus your ambition. When you’re working in a particular area, don’t become distracted or attracted by something else. Focus on one area ta a time. It should be an area that can help you achieve your future goals and that will assert your ambition in the larger context of your organization.
- Fear disguised as impatience. It’s being afraid to take the time to develop your abilities, and therefore very quickly either giving up or getting in over your head. It’s the fear of recognizing the areas in yourself that still need work. That kind of fear uses ambition to comer itself. It says, “Don’t waste any more time on preparation. You’ve got to get ahead as quickly as possible.” The problem is that if you try to get ahead too quickly, you’re almost certainly going to fall behind.
- Fear under pressure. Assertively ambitions leaders accurately assess their careers and themselves. Based on that assessment, sometimes they take on additional pressure and sometimes they don’t. People who crash and burn might think that the choice is only between being a leader or a follower. They may think a leader is somebody who never flinches. If that sounds like you, you’re telling yourself you’re not afraid of one thing, when you’re really afraid of something else. It’s not only about taking on too much pressure but about being afraid to admit that there’s even such a thing as too much.
- Fear of seeing your limits. Assertive ambition means wanting success however you choose to define it. But don’t be afraid to admit that you have limits or that you even want to have limits. That doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitions, it just means that you’re ambitions on your own terms. Everyone has limits. There’s no dishonor in seeing that yours may be slightly different from the next person’s, especially when the only thing that prevents you from doing so is fear of seeing that reality.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas, we realize each student is going to experience some form of fear in the course of their development. We encourage them to face these fears head on and to overcome them through honesty and courage.
To maximize the positive energy of ambition for everyone on your team, there is one idea that continues to stand out, “lead by example.” You must “walk the talk”. If you’re not willing to set the example first, you will be ineffective. Pay less attention to what you say to people and more attention to what you do. If there’s something you want to see in others, make sure they can see it in you first.
Following are tactics a leader must set for the rest of the team:
- Arrive early. There’s nothing quite as frustrating to employees as seeing their supervision, manager, or leader strolling in hours after the workday has begun. It’s very difficult to respect leaders how fail to give as much as they expect in return, especially when it’s something as basic as getting to work on time.
- Keep your energy level high. Moods and attitudes are contagious. The moment you first walk through the door, you’re sending out all sorts of messages.
- Make it a habit to meet and greet your team with enthusiasm and good humor.
- Have a clear action plan. People need direction. Avoid positioning yourself as a boss in the old-fashioned sense, or as a taskmaster. As always, be confident and assertive rather than aggressive or passive. Most important, though, is to be there.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we believe that teachers must set the example for their students of living with integrity, character, honesty, and forthrightness. This becomes the foundation of the learning experience for each student.
To ignore the reality of lazy people in the workplace would be like refusing to acknowledge the presence of an elephant in the conference room. Lazy people are everywhere. They are people who are going half speed, three-quarter speed, or maybe at no speed at all. When a lazy person does something right, they love sitting on their success until it turns to stone. When they do something good, they take it to mean that they don’t have to do anything else for a few months. When you encounter laziness in one of your team members, don’t be hesitant about confronting it and pointing out its dangers.
Try to see failure in your team as a positive sign. If there isn’t a certain amount of so-called failure among your team members, the sights probably haven’t been set high enough. In other words, there hasn’t been enough assertive ambition. A negative force in your team members can be simply the fear of failure. It’s not anything that they do. It’s what they’re afraid of doing. On an individual level, this fear stifles their ambition to assert their ideas in the world. Collectively, it erases a source of innovation that could improve the performance of the company. It drives people to keep still, keep quiet, and keep potentially great thoughts locked away forever. Conventional wisdom might counsel avoiding failure at all cost, but assertively ambitions leaders expect and welcome it.
Create a culture of learning in your team that consistently brings in the latest trends, research, techniques, and tools of your industry. Send your team members to live seminars or training programs. They’ll come back with a heightened sense of professionalism and a wealth of new information.
The people on your team are as different as baked beans and apple pie. They each need an individual form of motivation, and it’s up to you to discover what that is in every case.
We endeavor to see the uniqueness in each student at our music school in Odessa, Texas and to help them see it within themselves, as well as how they can maximize this uniqueness for the benefit of others.