The following contains excepts from the book, The 4th Secret of the One Minute Manager (Ken Blanchard, Margret McBride)
At our music school in Odessa, Texas, we believe that music is more than sound, it is relationships. Learning the value of effective Leadership cannot be understated in all relationships. We believe music and the arts play a key role in fostering successful bonds within a community.
The thesis of this book is simple: know how to make an effective apology when you’ve made a mistake. As the book states in its forward, “Few things are more powerful than having the common sense, wisdom, and strength to admit when you’ve made a mistake and to set things right.”
“The toughest part of turning around a bad situation is realizing and admitting that you were wrong.”
The fourth secret of the One Minute Manager is the One Minute Apology. “This secret boils down to a One Minute Point: the minute you realize you have made a mistake, you need to apologize.”
The power of the One Minute Apology lies with a person’s actions, intentions and sincerity, not in what they say…the power of the One Minute Apology is more than just words…Saying it takes only a minute but becoming completely honest with yourself and taking responsibility for your mistakes before you apologize takes longer.”
“At the core of most problems is a truth that is being denied…Any problem begins to spin out of control the minute you avoid dealing with the truth…A One Minute Apology begins with honesty and ends with integrity.”
“Honesty and admitting you are wrong are about you and coming to grips with what you did – and then making sure that anyone you harmed knows that you know you made a mistake. This requires being honest with yourself and letting go of being right…One minute of being honest with yourself is worth more than days, months, or years of self-deception.”
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we realize that individuals are imperfect. We all need forgiveness from time to time. It is with a humble attitude that we approach teaching.
“The longer you wait to apologize, the sooner your mistake is regarded as a weakness…We all make mistakes. What loses the trust and respect of others is when we refuse to admit our mistakes. Then people conclude that if we can’t be honest about this situation, we lie about other things, too.”
“When you’re specific about what you did wrong, share how you feel about what you did and admit that you’re embarrassed, sad, or ashamed, you make your apology real.”
“Honesty is telling the truth to ourselves and others. Integrity is living that truth…The legacy you leave is the one you live…People measure your integrity by how quickly you correct your mistakes and get back on course.”
One of the most profound life lessons we can impart to students in our music school in Odessa, Texas is the value of honesty. When working with students, we encourage them to be honest with themselves, and we endeavor to provide each student with truth and clarity about their potential.
When we make a mistake, “We have to deal with two facts: First, we did something wrong that needs to be corrected. Second, we did something that is at odds with who we are or want to be, and how we’d like to be perceived…we never get trust back until we change our behavior and make amends in a way the other person can appreciate.”
You have integrity when you:
- Recognize that the mistake you made is inconsistent with who you want to be.
- Reaffirm that you are better than your behavior and forgive yourself.
- Recognize how much you may have hurt someone, and make amends to that person for the harm you caused.
- Make the apology complete by changing your hurtful behavior.
“Apologize not for the outcome but because you know you were wrong and it’s the right thing to do…don’t’ apologize just to make someone feel better.”
“When we sincerely apologize, forgive ourselves, make amends and demonstrate we’ve changed, we get something extra: peace of mind…Never assume you know what another person is thinking…It’s never too late to let someone know how much you care.”
“Only apologize when you do something wrong.”
“Each of us has a responsibility no matter where we are. When problems develop, we have to ask ourselves what we did to contribute to or exacerbate the problem. Sometimes it’s because of an action we’ve taken, but more often than not, its’ the result of something we didn’t do.”
What stops people from being honest, admitting they’re wrong, many times is a poor sense of self-worth.
At our music school in Odessa, Texas we try to help each student see their unique value, and we endeavor to augment and develop that particular uniqueness in a way that benefits the individual and also the community.
“Where does self-worth come from? From four sources…The first is fate. At birth, you don’t’ have a choice of where you are born, who your parents are, whether you are male or female or the color of your skin. It’s fate. The second is your early life experiences with adults – your parents, relatives, teachers and coaches. Third are your successes and failures in life. The fourth source of your self-worth is your perception of the first three.”
The most powerful is the fourth. “It’s from your perception of your fate, early life experiences and successes and failures that you make all of your choices.”
“People who have trouble apologizing think that who they are is a function of their performance, plus the opinion of others. They are concerned about appearances and about keeping up with the Joneses. When people look to others for approval, their self-worth varies from day to day.”
“People with humility don’t think less of themselves. They just think about themselves less.”
We try to help students in our music school in Odessa, Texas develop an attitude of servanthood, understanding that what they have to offer can benefit others in a meaningful way.
“When you think the love you get is conditional, then your self-worth is always up for grabs. That’s when you start promoting or protecting yourself all the time. You believe you have to impress others to get love. And you think that to keep love, you have to give that good impression again and again. That’s a sad way to live…At some point you wake up and finally understand there’s no way you can achieve enough, gain enough recognition, obtain enough power, or own enough things to get any more love. You have all the love you need. And you had it from the minute you were born.”
We extend unconditional acceptance towards each student at our music school in Odessa, Texas, helping them see their value, and from that sense of value they can then create and perform.
“You can’t control the outcome of events…but you can control what you think and what you do.”
Sometimes it is appropriate to ask for an apology from someone else. “When you have the courage to ask for an apology, you are also showing respect for yourself – whether you get the apology or not…You are also letting that person know how important your relationship is…Asking for someone’s apology is your chance to stand up for yourself and the relationship.”
“Asking for an apology from others shows them how important they are to you and demonstrates your own sense of self-worth.”
In the end, “The only thing you get to keep is your soul. That’s where you store who you loved and who loved you…The beauty of the One Minute Apology is it’s the best way I know to make things better for you and the people you care about.”